You Know Where To Find Me
by Katrinea
Summary: With her father gone, the Lone Wanderer has no-one in the world to turn to, except one Ghoul. My take on the CharonxFLW pairing. T rating for first chapter, possibly M in later chapters.
1. Nobody's Home

**Nobody's Home  
**_  
Her feelings she hides.  
Her dreams she can't find.  
She's losing her mind.  
She's fallen behind.  
She can't find her place.  
She's losing her faith.  
She's fallen from grace.  
She's all over the place._

_Don't know where she belongs.  
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.__  
___________________________________

'How had things gone so wrong?'

That was the question, the question she had been asking all her life. From the first moment she longed for the comfort of an ever absent mother, the first time she was harshly reprimanded by the overseer for beating the living daylights out of Butch, the first time she broke a finger messing around with the machinery in Jonas's office… Then as her father vanished, as she killed another human for the first but not the last time, when her best friend left her and she was thrust from the vault into the harshness of the wastes, alone, afraid and unknowing. The question hounded her across the wastes, from Tenpenny Tower, where her attempt at a peaceful resolution still led to bloodshed, to the mutant infested DC Ruins, where she was sure her life would end. Killing other humans, Raiders, Slavers, just plain nutjobs, and along the way as she lost a piece of herself, the innocence that could exist only in someone who had lived a life sheltered by the Vault.

And now that question was repeated, tumbling from her mouth along with the merger contents of her stomach to splatter against the ground, dredging up a terrible pain and sorrow like none she had ever felt.

Her father was dead.

The reason she had left the security of the Vault, the reason she had battled so long and so hard, her reason for wanting to save the world, it was him, all him. The light in her life, the only reason she had to keep on going, keep on fighting. And now he was gone, forsaking his daughter, sacrificing his life for this fucking Wasteland, for the dream of a woman she had never met.

It had all passed in a blur; her father slumped upon the floor, his last words…

'_Run…' _

His last thoughts for his precious daughter, so precious that he couldn't even lose this one battle for her. Then Dr. Li, pleading to be saved. If it not for Charon's morals, she would've left the bitch to her fate. That and her own ethics, so ingrained in her by her father, which still won her over even after he was gone. She had raced through the underworks of the Jefferson Memorial, taking out the Enclave forces with the sheer fury that came with the anger and need for vengeance. Bursting through to the open air outside the Citadel, the complete and utter panic and sorrow fully overwhelmed her as she collapsed, skin scraped from knees as she fell upon them. Tears gushed their way down her face, dropping upon the ground like bitter rain. Great sobs racked her body, forcing their way up from her chest to scrape her throat raw. Her heart was dying, feeling like it was about to overflow and burst like a dam under the weight of so much agony.

Her ghoul companion dropped to his knees beside her, the dog already shoving his snout against the girl, whining as though he shared her pain. Charon had no idea about what to do in this situation, he almost wished he could be as simple as the dog and just push himself against her and cry with her, offering his fur to be clutched and twisted. But he wasn't a dog, he was human. No, he was even less than that, a ghoul. He didn't even know if he was capable of tears anymore. And there was nothing he could do for this soul that was twisting and breaking before him. He knew all too well that there were no words of comfort, no simple gestures that would simply make everything alright again. He could not share her pain but, the sight of her, usually a soul so strong and so dazzling, now upon her knees on the cold ground bawling like a child, that alone was enough to break his diseased little heart.

Knowing not what else to do, he reached for her and pulled her to him for the first time. He clutched her to his chest, barely registering the grief-stricken blows of her fists against him as her tears soaked his leather-clad shoulder.

'Why… WHY?' she screamed into his chest. Her voice breaking, 'I… I can't do this anymore… Charon…' she turned those tear stained brown eyes up towards him as she whispered desperately, 'Help me… Please…'

'Yes…' he returned with an equally pained whisper as he picked her up in his arms, her own clutching tightly around his neck as she buried her face into it. The feel of her lips and her fragmented breathing against his neck sent goose bumps running along what was left of his skin, and Charon silently cursed himself for it. He felt the wetness of her tears running down his neck, and he knew that nothing he could do or say would ever extinguish those tears. He really was useless after all. He could fight and give his life to protect her but never could he save her fragile emotions. Despite everything she had seen and done since leaving the safety of the Vault, she was a mere young girl. A lost and frightened teenager in a fucked up world, and now, he was all she had left. That and the dog that never left her side, bound not by a contract as Charon was but by simple loyalty and love, and the more time Charon spent with her the more he felt himself being drawn to her side by the same emotions that this simple creature felt, feelings that he had long ago given up on.

But for now all he could do would be to stay by her side, protecting her as he had always done from the moment she waltzed into Underworld with that dog at her side, batting her eyelashes at Ahzrukhal while she engaged in one sided conversation with Charon for hours until he wished he would be given the order to chuck her out of the bar. But she was smart, innocently winding the barman around her little finger, sweet talking her way into his dirty little secrets, then one day popping the question, _'How much for Charon's contract?_'. The ghoul businessman almost choked on his drink in surprise and Charon watched bemused as she haggled with him, before sweeping a swollen bag of bottlecaps down upon the counter. She sauntered up to him as he said his usual line, cutting him off by shoving a battered piece of paper in front of his face with the most spirited grin he'd ever seen in this bar.

'_Not so fast big guy… I'm your new employer.'_

Employer. She said employer. Not Master or Owner. Employer. And she didn't bat an eyelid as he blew that smug look right off of his former 'employer's face, she stopped only to swipe back the caps she had given him, along with the keys to his safe before turning to him and grinning, _'Let's get out of here, Charon.'_

The light was fading from the sky now, along with the light in her eyes as pain and exhaustion called her into unconsciousness. She passed out in the ghoul's arms, tears still seeping from between eyelids already beginning to swell from her crying. The dog trotted obediently along behind them as they made their way into the Citadel after Dr. Li and the others. Charon was used to the disapproving stares that came with his ghoulification, especially when he was in the company of a young and attractive woman, but even he felt a little overwhelmed by the number of them that he was receiving now. Even Dr. Li, who pretty much owed him her life after what had happened in the Jefferson Memorial now had her eyes narrowed disapprovingly at this blatant ghoul-on-human contact. The Brotherhood were just as bad as the Enclave as far as Charon was concerned. They shot at ghouls whenever they could, not to kill but to intimidate, to make them know their place as sub-human vermin. But he didn't care anymore, because she never cared. She treated all the bigots the same, with a laugh and a shotgun pointed at their face. So he strode on in, demanding a place to lay his mistress down to rest and somebody to treat her wounds. They complied, not for him, the walking freakshow, but for her, the Lone Wanderer, Little Miss 101, their very own Wasteland Messiah. The names given to her by the ever loud mouthed Three Dog over the wavelengths of the radio. Charon thought these names a little absurd, he knew her real one after all, he knew the real girl, not the great hero of the wastes but the damaged little girl trying to save an already dead world. She was no complex Messiah, just the ever simple J.

'_It's J right? Just J. Like the letter, not the bird.'_

'_Huh?'_

'_My name! Its J. Not Mistress. So stop calling me that okay?'_

'_Yes Miss J.'_

'_No! Just J alright? No titles or anything else. I didn't buy your contract to have a sycophant following me around.'_

He still didn't know what 'sycophant' meant,_ 'Must be one of those fancy words she picked up in the Vault.'_ he thought as he sat by her bedside, watching the rise and fall of her torso as she breathed, seeming to finally be at peace. That would change once she awoke he knew, but for now it was enough to just be here with her in this state of limbo, in between all the terrible events, in a place unaffected by the passing of time and the outside world. The dog (Dogmeat, that was his name. That girl sure had a weird sense of humour.) curled up at his feet, and soon he heard its breathing join that of the girl's.

Charon felt his eyes droop shut, how long had it been since he last slept? He kept himself up most nights, much to the annoyance of J, in his insistence to keep a constant watch. And the events of the past few days had affected him too. He decided to relax his guard a little, just for once. They were in the Citadel after all. Not that that put him much at ease, but at least he knew they would never allow their little hero to come to any harm. And he would need to be well rested and ready to look after her once she awoke. Keeping his shotgun ready by his seat, (just in case), he drifted off to sleep on the rhythm of her breathing, not knowing that the world he would awake to would be very different from the one he had come to know.

* * *

My first Fallout3 Fanfic. And yes, J is my current 'Lone Wanderer' in the game.

I've never written a fanfic for a videogame, so please let me know what you think! :D


	2. The End of the Innocence

**Chapter 2: The End of the Innocence**  
_  
'When "happily ever after" fails,  
and we've been poisoned by these fairy tales.__  
Since daddy had to fly._

_Offer up your best defence, but this is the end,  
This is the End of the Innocence.'__  
_

* * *

Sleep came upon Charon quickly that night, bringing along with it a cacophony of distorted images. Half memory and half dreams, every moment of his life all clamouring all at once. He was a bad tempered bouncer in Underworld; a slave, beaten and bruised; a smoothskin, barely 10 years old, running his fingers along a splintered fence. He was that child, he was that pathetic excuse for life, he was that grumpy bastard... And now he was being born anew, the next stage of his life unfolding before him as they left the underbelly of the Museum of History, his mind a clustered mixture of emotions. There was pleasure, of course, at Ahzrukhal's demise. Disgust, at the smell of super mutant on the wind. Contentment, at the feel of fresh air on his ruined face. Annoyance, at the fact that he was now saddled with this puny little smoothskin…

That girl, where had she come from anyway? Her very existence was an enigma. She was a smoothskin right, but her skin was _too_ smooth and clear, her hair and nails _too_ neat and well cared for, her eyes _too_ bright, her attitude _too_ optimistic and, frankly, downright foolish. Despite being dressed in the looted attire of your typical merc, any fool could tell that she certainly wasn't a local. She had bought his contract like she went around buying rotting ghouls every day and hell, she'd actually _smiled_ at him. And she'd barely blinked when he despatched that detestable bartender, although her shaking hands revealed that though she'd clearly been expecting it she hadn't exactly been relishing it. The incorrect way she holstered her rifle too proved that she was still an amateur in such matters. She didn't belong here. Fucking kid looked as if she'd just crawled out of one of those vault things. And of course Charon would do everything possible to protect her; that was his job after all. But he was hardly omniscient, (not to mention that his wasteland survival skills had significantly dulled in the years spent stuck in that dirty little corner in the Ninth Circle), a runaway bullet to one of her many vital organs and well, his heart wouldn't exactly bleed over it.

The image shifted; memories bleeding into one and other.

Really, she was just so goddamn _perfect _and _beautiful._ While to many this would seem an admirable quality, Charon thought otherwise. He declined to simper and fawn over her like the others did, Winthrop and that flaky shopkeeper Tulip and that tormented ghoul who slaved away at the bar in Megaton. She was a fucking perfect little smoothskin, young, beautiful, caring and soft right through to her squishy little brain; and she was a bigot just like the rest of them. She must be. The way she swanned into the Ninth Circle like she owned it, her initial reaction to him - her 'holier than thou' attitude, making such a point to act perfectly polite to his face… He knew that secretly he repulsed her. He must do. She only needed him for protection and, God, how she must pity him. Why else would a sweet little vault girl be running about with him anyway? One day she'd show her true colours and quit this façade. After all, Charon knew well by now that it wasn't possible for there to be a pure being left anywhere in this godforsaken hellhole.

_(What was that noise?)_

But she never quit, she never quit treating him like a person, like he was _human_ again. And he came to see that she really did need him. Despite her sassy attitude and inclination to never back down, when it came to actual combat her abilities faltered. She was just a vault kid after all, her battle experience had been solely limited to shooting roaches with a BB gun and getting in fistfights with bullies, and she was chucked into the wasteland so fast, she'd barely had anytime to pick up real experience. Experience was something that Charon had, the instinct that told him when and where to shoot and run, the shotgun that he knew better than the back of his hand, his well-trained muscles (though slightly withered by time spent standing in a corner)… These were all things necessary to survive, things that the vault kid was sorely without. Charon was amazed that she'd made it this far on her own, and was horrified to discover that her battle tactics usually consisted of sneaking as far as she could before running full pelt towards her enemy until she had a clear enough shot, hoping and praying that she didn't take a lethal bullet, stabbing herself full of stimpacks and med-x as often as possible. One day those chems would kill that kid, if some fucking Raider or Super Mutant didn't put a bullet through her soft head first. She relied too much on that goddamn wrist computer too, constantly checking and inputting every little piece of information she could into it. (Though he had to admit he was fond of the mapping system, apart from those times it malfunctioned and sent them off in entirely the wrong direction.)

_(There was a dull thud, like a fist against flesh.)_

The first time she _touched_ him… It'd been a nasty scrap with some muties, Charon taking a bullet to the shoulder and, just to add insult to injury, she insisted on dressing the wound herself. In the midst of stabbing a stimpack into his shoulder and rinsing the wound with irradiated water, her fingers had brushed up against some exposed skin, (or at least, what passes for skin among ghouls.) She jumped, her hand shooting backwards as though she'd just taken an electric shock. Inwardly, Charon felt a terrible kind of anger swell in the pit of his stomach. So she **was** a bigot. All her talk about him being _human_ and deserving of the same treatment as anybody else, and here she was flinching from him. He was surprised she hadn't gone the whole way and just thrown up. The anger threatened to overwhelm him, and he turned his head from her, determined not to meet with her traitorous eyes. For a moment they stayed that way, she aware of the error she had made, and he smouldering in a feeling of utmost betrayal. Then, without warning he felt the gentlest fingers caress his cheek, and snapped his eyes back to meet hers to find not a look of disgust adorning her face but one instead of pleasant astonishment. Her mouth was open and curved slightly into a grin as she ran the pads of her smoothskin fingers over his cheek, tracing the protruding cheekbone and the worn skin. He stared her down for a moment before utilising his freedom of speech for one of the first times,_ 'What are you doing?' _She had blushed slightly at that, a warm glow painting her unspoiled skin before she admitted, _'I thought you'd be… Squishy.'_

If Charon still had eyebrows, they would've raised up to his hairline at that admission. _'Squishy?'_ Embarrassed now, she stammered, _'I just thought… because you- because of your skin condition th-that your flesh would be… Well, squishy. But it's not. It's tough, like brahmin hide.' _She smiled then, a sickly sweet little smile that stole over her lips cautiously, as if she was unsure how the ghoul would take this statement, _'It suits you perfectly.'_

_(It was some sort of commotion, a squabble.)_

And then they had stumbled upon Evergreen Mills on their search for Vault 112, entirely unprepared for what they found there. Raiders, so many goddamn, spineless, motherfucking Raiders. The dog had been the first to pick up the scent; his low growls directing them to a seemingly abandoned trainyard. Abandoned that is, apart from the Behemoth rampaging about its electric cell. Thankfully it was still there, but that was all they had to be thankful for. It was an ambush; Charon could've kicked himself for walking into such an obvious trap, those years with Ahzrukhal really had dulled his senses. She'd fought well, those hours Charon spent teaching her how to handle her gun correctly were put to good use and even he had to admit, she did him proud that day. Of course he'd been there to back her up, keep her covered but he could hardly be everywhere at once. And they thought they'd got them all, she'd been too cocky, too quick to move from her position. A lone survivor took a shot at her, taking a chunk clean out of her side, the bastard's throat instantly ripped out in an act of retaliation from her faithful canine.

_(Louder now… What was going on? Why wasn't he aware…? Where was she…?)_

And his blood ran cold for a moment. The dog was acting quite absurdly, running circles around them, howling at the sky. Stupid animal. She wouldn't die, not from this. Charon ripped up cloth and wound it around her waist, creating a makeshift tourniquet. They had very few stimpacks left, all of which he stabbed into her side, drawing a pained hiss as he penetrated the wound. She still hated injecting those things. The chems went to work, stitching closed the wound at an astonishing rate, taking the edge off of the pain but they weren't enough. Goddamit they never carried enough. And she'd just _looked_ at him with those big, glassy,_ stupid _eyes and it was like she was seeing him properly for the first time. She had prised open those lips and whispered,

'_You emotionless bitch!'_

And suddenly reality's firm grip took hold, and he wasn't in Evergreen Mills holding a bleeding girl but in the Citadel, slumped in a chair, shotgun by his side, dog at his feet and his employer not in her bed. His heart jumped; how the hell had she gotten past him? He must've been more out of it than he'd thought. That or her sneaking skills must be improving. But this was no time to be proud of her, he had to find her and… He heard voices in the hall, one of which carried a hysterical note that was all too familiar.

'How could you just let him die!? I thought you loved him too? But you just left him, you didn't even try to help him!' pained questions that sounded more like harsh truths, broken every so often by choking sobs, it was her all right. Charon jumped to his feet, rudely awakening Dogmeat in the process, causing him to yelp and spring to his feet along with the ghoul in the anticipation of oncoming danger.

'James… He died for what he believed in… He died for you.'

The voice of Dr. Li. Charon grasped the situation before he had even seen the two of them standing out in the hallway, the older woman shrinking away from the younger but by far more furious girl before her, cupping her jaw with one hand as if pointlessly fending off the blow that had already been dealt. He knew he should stop the girl before she said or did something she would later regret, but one look at her told him that to attempt to do so would earn him only an order to 'stay out of it'. She was too far gone, apparently her sleep hadn't done her much good. Her eyes were wide and filled with a terrible sense of loss and pain. Her face and hair matted with blood and dirt, marked by clear streaks where her tears had cascaded down her cheeks and she was dressed still in her nightwear, (which consisted of 'not very much' as Charon had previously remarked.)

'For me?' she spat 'Bullshit! He died trying to fulfil my_ mother's_ _dream_. I already lost her and now because of that I have to lose everything else!?'

'And so you have been given everything too.' Apparently the doctor was not entirely defeated. 'Don't think you are the only one in pain right now. You're right, I loved your selfish father, but did that ever matter? He was totally dedicated to his work, then to your mother and you. You may believe he died for her dream but I assure you, it was all for you. So you could have clean water and a better life.'

Heavy footsteps were quickly approaching, one, two, soldiers in power armour. No doubt sent along to break up this quarrel, judging by the level of J's voice they must have attracted a fair bit of attention by now.

'I DON'T CARE!' She screamed as the dam burst once more and the waterworks streamed again down her cheeks. 'I don't want any of that if it means a life without him! All I want is my father!' She stumbled a little, and Charon moved instinctively to steady her. She finally seemed to noticed him and blinked in surprise but motioned for him to leave her be. Her composure regained slightly, she almost whispered, 'But I never got that, he was always too busy trying to change the world. And now I'll never have that chance with him.' Silent tears this time, more heartbreaking than any Charon had ever had the misfortune to see.

And then the doctor did something unforgiveable, pulling herself into that stiff, upright position in which she always postured, antipathy curling in her lip as she almost sneered her next statement.

'Dying for a child like you… James would be ashamed to see you now.'

The words hit J like a freight train. Those eyes were instantly dry and wide, mouth open in imitation of some sort of pre-war aquatic life form, her mind sent reeling at those cruel words and for an instant it seemed as though she was rendered speechless before the only emotion she knew how to direct manifested itself at full force. She spoke, low and threatening enough that even the 'emotionless bitch' of a doctor seemed afraid,

'I'm going to make you regret saying that.' She took a step forward, rage flashing in her eyes, bringing her hand back, preparing to deliver one hell of a blow. Dr. Li threw her hands up in front of her face in a needless attempt to protect herself. But J's hand never reached the woman, it was stopped short by another arm clad in power armour. The girl turned her tearful eyes and her anger upon the owner of that hand, the uncompromising Sentinel Lyons.

'Let me go, she deserves this! She just left him!' the normally peaceful girl yelled, twisting her arm in a futile attempt for freedom. Charon watched, one hand on his shotgun in case he felt it necessary for him to step in, but the blonde seemed to have things under control as, rather than reprimand her as he expected, she instead pulled the weeping girl into an awkward embrace.

'I understand, I'd be acting the same way if I were in your situation, anybody would. But I am not you, and you are better than any of us. You're the wasteland's Messiah. You have to be the one to rise above it, that's why I can't let you hurt her.' Sarah soothed the girl's hair with one hand, coddling her like a piteous child as she buckled in her arms. J's voice broke and cracked as she tried to speak, sobbing out apologies and reasons that were instantly rendered incoherent.

'Charon.' The armour clad woman caught his attention and she requested that he escort his emotionally exhausted employer back to her bed. As he did so, one arm round her waist to keep her upright as she nuzzled dangerously into his side, he couldn't help but reflect upon how young she could appear to be at times, he supposed she was still a child by his standards. He'd lost count of his age over the years but scattered memories, unreliable though they may be, whispered that he may have been living before the bombs fell, back at the beginning and the end of everything. In that case, well he'd be around the 200 year mark by now, and she was what, 19? And she was a vault kid after all, which made her mental age much lower that it would've been had she been brought up in the wastes. She was a child alright, through and through. And it was at these times that more than ever, that the reason for his employment was hammered home to him. He was to be a living shield for this kid, ready to give everything to keep her safe. It was the same deal with every employer, but now for the first time he felt that perhaps he had found a human that was still actually worth giving everything for.

And that pissed him off more than anything.

* * *

Thank you everyone for your reviews and kind words :) Feedback is usually very useful and always very, very appreciated!

Might be a wee while till next chapter is done though, very busy atm. Hope this will suffice for now!


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